Observations From a Myspace Stalker

Three months into my Myspace experiment and all I have to show is three friends and 176 profile views. Come to think of it, I'm shocked I have that many profile views considering I only have one picture and it's a headless photo of me. I think the Myspace counter is inflating the numbers that's the only reasonable explanation for such a count. As for my friends I only have two of them since Tom isn't really my friend. He's always harassing me and threatening to cancel my account. Even though he threatens me I can't delete Tom from my life. I think I might have battered wife syndrome. The one friend I have I never write to her sorry La Gran Loubowsky. To tell you the truth I don't know how to leave a message on someone's page. Yesterday was the first time I learned how to become friends with my fellow Myspacers. I know I'm a loser.

What I really hate are the private accounts and blogs what's the point of having an account if you're going to keep it hidden. Let's say you come across an old friend and you want to see what they've been up to you can't because their account is private. Or you want to find out whom your ex is screwing you can't because their account is private. I also hate the pimped out sites. Those fuckers slow computers to a crawl. One word of advice for those pimped out sites keep it simple/stupid. The Myspace community will greatly appreciate it. What's up with all the lesbian call girls? I'm supposed to believe lesbians are really that hot? Another thing I noticed is since becoming friends with Depeche Mode I've gotten friend requests from fake ass bitches. These bitches shouldn't even be on this site. I get it, you want me to add you as a friend so you can hawk your stupid website or tell me I can get a cool ring tone at suchandsuch.com. Well home girl I'm not interested in your bullshit go somewhere else.

The thing I find fascinating on this site is the quote section in a person's profile. If you want to gain a better understanding of the human physique then look no further than the quotes. Here are some interesting statements I came across during my stalking. I found this little gem a while back "Whoah, babe... Who lit the fuse on YOUR tampon". Can you say dickhead? How about this one "Love found me and I will never let her go". Can you say possessive boyfriend? What about "The notion of true love is nothing more than a gimmick Hollywood pushes in order to sell more tickets". Can you say I'm never going to fall in love? And finally "Don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows" Can you say wannabe activist? But the most widely quoted person on Myspace is Oscar Wilde. It's his skewed view of life that is appealing to so many. Now ladies and gentlemen boys and girls start wearing purple.



L