If I Were Left Behind

Last night I was surfing Youtube and stumbled across a movie called "Left Behind". I didn't know that there was a movie for these crazy books. I was somewhat familiar with the books because I read the cliff notes. Okay there are no cliff notes for these books, but I know someone who read them and gave me an overview on the subject matter. For those that haven't had the good fortune of reading the Left Behind series let me give you a brief review. Most people are familiar with Armageddon and the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. But for evangelicals there's the rapture where the "true believers" will be whisked to heaven and everybody else will be left behind. These books focus on the aftermath of the rapture, the Antichrist, the second chance Christians, and the lead up to Armageddon. The big evil that will do the Antichrist's bidding is the United Nations. Now that's some fiction. Come on the UN can't get a resolution on Darfur passed, but they'll unite the nations of the world under the rule of the Antichrist. Anyway those left behind will either accept Jesus or join the Antichrist. All the while there'll be insufferable agony. I don't want to spoil the ending but Jesus wins. It's a lot like Stephen King's "The Stand" just crappier.

I can't believe people actually believe in this magical rapture. It seems so childish. It's so na na a boo boo we're in heaven and your not…suckers. Anyway if this magical rapture did occur here are a few things I would do if I were left behind:

Call dibs on Regent University and the Coors Corporation. If you're one of the lucky souls that stays behind join me in a massive kegger in Virginia Beach. Don't forget to bring the debauchery.

Jump for joy no more TBN, CBN, purple haired lady, Kirk Cameron, and other nut job evangelicals. The only thing that sucks is that we'll be stuck with other religious nut jobs.

Get myself a tank. Gotta protect myself from the Antichrist.

Take a long nap. I don't want to be tired for the tribulation.

Write a song called "The End Times Make For Good Times".

Buy front row tickets for the ultimate battle between good and evil, Armageddon. Mount Megiddo or Bust.

Till Next Time My Dear Lurkers

L